A Simplified Guide to Better Boundaries for Mamas

As a Senior Leader on Team Tony Robbins, the celebrated life and business strategist,  I’ve heard a ton of insights.

With enough repetition, nuggets of wisdom eventually sink in, change my perspective, and shift my behavior from knowing better to doing better. It's all about practice over perfection!

Recently, Tony shared an insight that really clicked:

Boundaries are a tool for transformation. 🌱

I'd never thought of boundaries as something that could make change easier. But then I got to experience firsthand how true this can be…

When a colleague recently crossed a boundary of mine, I spoke up 😬 instead of going with my old habit of just "eating it 🤢," downplaying the hurt, living with icky feelings, and moving on without saying anything. 🙄

Not because holding a boundary is easy – I admit it was tough to express those thoughts and emotions. 😅

But sometimes saying nothing changes nothing, Mama! You stay silent and feel like a doormat as you secretly seethe over someone's behavior. 🤬

So, I put on my big girl panties and reminded my colleague they’d crossed a boundary we’d previously agreed to. Something surprising happened…

My colleague shared that my reminder increased their trust in me, boosting their confidence I'm someone they can depend on!

Fascinating, right? And it totally makes sense.

✨ We trust people who are honest with us,✨ regardless of how uncomfortable being honest feels in the moment.

By holding a boundary, I transformed my icky feelings into positive communication, self-confidence, and a stronger relationship. 🤸🏽‍♀️

Those are great results for a few simple sentences – "Hey, the way our last meeting went isn't sitting well with me. We'd agreed on a different format, which I had expected. What are your thoughts?"

Why Boundaries Matter

Having active boundaries is a big part of the equation when you want to live the best life possible (and who doesn't?!).

Unfortunately, it’s all too common to believe the opposite is true, like…
‣  Saying no is mean
‣  People like you better when you’re easy to get along with
‣  Telling someone how you feel is hurtful
‣  Asking for something you want is rude
‣  You’re a good person when you prioritize other people over yourself

The monster under the bed here is a belief that expressing your truth = seriously painful consequences. But really, boundaries can = big rewards! HUGE! Like…

Rewards of Boundaries

❥  RECONNECTING WITH YOUR PASSIONS
Remember those hobbies you loved but set aside while raising kids or climbing the career ladder? Now’s the time to reclaim them. Set boundaries around your time so you can dive back into painting gnomes, garden planning, or whatever sets your soul on fire.

❥   DEEPER, HAPPIER RELATIONSHIPS

Whether it’s a partner, friends, family, or that one co-worker making your day extra spicy with a side of migraine headache, midlife often shifts how you relate to others. Set boundaries around your needs to help ensure relationships are nurturing and uplifting for everyone involved – you included!

❥   UPTICK IN SELF-CONFIDENCE

Guess what feels better than standing up for yourself and feeling sparkly about how awesome you’re treated in the world? Uh… almost nothing! Holding boundaries takes thought, courage, kindness, and a dash of belief that you deserve good things. (And you do!) Set boundaries around your desires and watch unlimited possibilities unfold.

What a Boundary Really Is

What’s a boundary anyway? A boundary shows where your limits are. Your boundaries are a set of standards that help other people know what’s okay and what’s not okay when it comes to how they treat you, talk to you, and talk about you.

Essentially, boundaries teach people how to treat you. They’re where I end, and you begin — an invisible force field protecting your precious energy. (Or, a line in the sand being walked all over and draining your energy, am I right?!)

How Boundaries Work

Boundaries aren’t about building walls, putting up barriers, or being mean.

💛 Boundaries are about a two-way street of open communication, safe space for feelings, and courageous choices that deepen closeness and honor both people.

The quick and dirty of it all? For a boundary to exist, it has to be active (a boundary that you show up and speak up with when needed), not passive (a boundary you *think* you have but shy away from when faced with a challenge).

Boundaries aren't just lines in the sand or rules you hope other people follow; they're crucial guidelines that impact your quality of life. Because the consequences of not standing up for yourself are real, Mama.

When you teach people that it’s okay not to honor you, to show up late, have one-sided conversations, gossip about you, change plans at the last minute, etc., distance and resentment grow.

It’s not just that you’re putting off a tough conversation until later or being kind and understanding by letting someone get away with something.

True kindness goes both ways! It’s kind to the other person AND to you. Not holding boundaries is the destroyer or loving, happy relationships.

Even for Mamas with strong boundaries, there comes a time when fear enters the picture.

Thoughts like, “What if she gets mad at me?” and, “Ugh! He’s going to hate this!” can stop you from transforming obstacles into opportunities.

Your Boundaries Self-Check

DO YOU OFTEN...

‣  Feel overwhelmed or resentful? 😝

‣  Say “yes” when you want to say “no”? 🙄

‣  Get drained after social interactions? 😩

‣  Deal with a particular person or situation that pushes your buttons over and over again? 😤

‣  Have trouble carving out time for yourself? 🙃

If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, it’s time to reassess and strengthen your boundaries, Mama!

Simple Tips to Strengthen Your Boundaries

❥  SWAP YOUR STORY
Instead of believing the scary things about asking for what you want and need, start reiterating the sparkly stuff. Try a daily affirmation, like, “I set boundaries that serve me, others, and the highest good,” and “My boundaries are valid and worthy of respect.”

❥  SPOT THE SITUATION
Think of something that’s bothering you. Maybe you were left out of a party invitation or had a one-sided conversation that left you ill at ease.

❥  IDENTIFY NON-NEGOTIABLES
Know what you need to feel safe, respected, and fulfilled. Is it clear communication when someone's going to be late, uninterrupted time to focus on a goal or more balanced conversations?

❥  COMMUNICATE CLEARLY AND KINDLY
When setting a boundary, be direct but gentle. Use “I” statements to express your needs without sounding accusatory. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Be clear about the behavior you don’t want and the behavior you’d like instead.

There’s a big difference between, “Hey, bull in the china shop — you’re freaking loud! 🤬 Pipe down in the mornings!” and, “I know you care about my needs, so I’m letting you know I need it to be quieter in the mornings so I can meditate.” 🥰

❥  OFFER SOLUTIONS
It’s one very awesome thing to communicate what you don’t want, but it’s a double chocolate chip brownies level of greatness to also communicate what you do want. Most people need more than a request to stop a behavior; they need a replacement behavior, too. Like, "Could we try a few mornings where you wear headphones to listen to the news and see how it goes?"

❥  STAY CONSISTENT
Boundaries are like muscles – the more you use them, the stronger they become! Sometimes, when someone isn't used to you staying strong, they push back to see if there is a line in the sand. Hold that boundary, Mama! You've got this!

❥  CELEBRATE YOURSELF
Every step you take toward your most soulfull life matters. When you’ve been letting things slide, holding a new boundary can feel like the hardest, scariest thing. But you can do hard things! You have a lifetime of successes showing you’re one capable, courageous Mama.

When you’re still feeling unsure about holding a boundary, book a coaching session. ✨

Talking it out can be incredibly affirming, leading to stronger resolve and positive steps forward.

Sure, holding boundaries can be a challenge, but it’s so liberating. 🤸🏽‍♀️

☀️ Yes, someone may be temporarily disappointed. But guess when disappointing someone is totally wonderful?

When it teaches them how to better connect with you, increases your self-esteem, and honors your healier, happiest, most soulfull life! 😇

➡️ Remember: saying no doesn’t have to be mean, cold, or hurt anyone’s feelings. 💗 Boundaries are an act of love that can deepen relationships, increase self-esteem, and affirm a foundation of kindness and respect.

It’s not about shutting people out; it’s about inviting people in to meet you at a place of mutual respect and understanding. It’s about creating a life that feels good to you no matter the choices other people make. And it can be as simple as saying, “Hey, that didn’t feel good to me. How about this alternative?”

When you honor your needs and desires, you’re able to give ✨ more fully and joyfully ✨ to the people and activities that matter most.

All you need is already within you, Mama. Soulfull Medicine is here to show you where to look.

xo,