The Easy Guide to Building Love with Strong Boundaries

We’ve all been there, right? That moment when you feel torn between taking care of yourself and helping someone else.

I used to think that being a good daughter, friend, wife, and mother meant giving to everyone, even if it meant sacrificing my own needs. 🙃 But, I’ve learned that the selfless-giving road leads to burnout city with frequent pit stops at bitter resentment park! 😠

In many ways, being a giving daughter, friend, partner, and mother makes life easier. You can always count on yourself to show up for others, and people naturally flock to you when they’re in need of a serious heart-to-heart, right?

Showing how much you love someone through giving is one thing. ✨ Living more joyfully than that is another. ✨

Maybe you, like me, feel bitter hurt and resentment when it seems like no one else is living up to the giving example you set – leaving you feeling unseen, unappreciated, and, if you’re totally honest – a stormy sea of anger with an undercurrent of, well, sadness. 😪

When you spend so much time focusing on everyone else, you can lose the vital connection to yourself. Leaving your confidence, self-esteem, sense of worth, and balance of connection with others – all out of whack.

So, how exactly do you balance out decades of over-giving and built-up resentment with a future of sparkling joy? I'm so glad you asked!

Boundaries! 

Healthy boundaries help you balance selfless giving with receiving self-love, so your soul can smile more often. Building boundaries can make you feel so habitually empowered and valued that you could swear you’re glowing from the inside out!

What’s a boundary anyway? A boundary shows where your limits are. They're a set of standards that help other people know what’s okay and what’s not okay when it comes to how they treat you, talk to you, and talk about you.

Essentially, boundaries teach people how to treat you. They’re where I end, and you begin — an invisible force field protecting your precious energy. (Or, being walked all over and draining your energy, am I right?!)

How Boundaries Work

Boundaries aren’t about building walls, putting up barriers, or being mean.

Boundaries are about a two-way street of open communication, safe space for feelings, and courageous choices that deepen closeness and honor both people.

The quick and dirty of it all? For a boundary to exist, it has to be active (a boundary that you show up and speak up with when needed), not passive (a boundary you *think* you have but shy away from when faced with a challenge).

Boundaries aren't just lines in the sand or rules you hope other people follow; they're crucial guidelines that impact your quality of life. Because the consequences of not standing up for yourself are real, Mama.

When you teach people that it’s okay not to honor you – to show up late, have one-sided conversations, gossip about you, change plans at the last minute, etc. – distance and resentment grow. It’s not just that you’re putting off a tough conversation until later or being kind and understanding by letting someone get away with something.

True kindness goes both ways! It’s kind to the other person and to you. 💛 💫

This leads to the big kahuna of boundary victory: saying no thank you — and saying it without feeling badly. (Eek! I know, I know! The Impossible Task! But there’s good news…) Saying no doesn’t have to be mean, cold, or hurt anyone’s feelings.

Yes, someone may be temporarily disappointed. But guess when disappointing someone is totally wonderful? When it teaches them how better to connect with you, increases your self-esteem, and honors your healthier, happiest, most soulfull life.

Why Boundaries Matter

Having active boundaries is a big part of the equation when you want to live the best life possible (and who doesn't?!).

Unfortunately, it’s all too common to believe the opposite is true, like...

🆇  Saying no is mean

🆇  People like you better when you’re easy to get along with

🆇  Telling someone how you feel is hurtful

🆇  Asking for something you want is rude

🆇  You’re a good person when you prioritize other people over yourself

The monster under the bed here is a belief that expressing your truth = seriously painful consequences. But really, boundaries can = big rewards! HUGE! Such as...

3 Benefits Healthy Boundaries Can Bring

Sometimes the risk is worth the reward. When it comes to boundaries, that's absolutely true!

❥  Reconnecting with Your Passions
Remember those hobbies you loved but set aside while raising kids or climbing the career ladder? Now’s the time to reclaim them. ✨ Set boundaries around your time ✨ so you can dive back into painting gnomes, garden planning, or whatever sets your soul on fire. ❤️‍🔥

❥  Deeper, Happier Relationships

Whether it’s a partner, friends, family, or that one coworker making your day extra spicy with a side of migraine headache, midlife often shifts how you relate to others. ✨ Set boundaries around your needs ✨ to help ensure relationships are nurturing and uplifting for everyone involved – you included! 💛

❥  Uptick in Self-Confidences
Guess what feels better than standing up for yourself and feeling sparkly about how awesome you’re treated in the world? Uh… almost nothing! Holding boundaries takes thought, courage, kindness, and a dash of belief that you deserve good things. (And you do!) ✨ Set boundaries around your desires ✨ and watch unlimited possibilities unfold. 😎

Abundance Is A Two-Way Street

Here's a plot twist you may not have expected: giving without receiving is selfish. (Take a moment to recover from the shock because this news is actually bigger than sliced bread.)

The thing about being in flow 💫 with a plentiful energy of abundance ✨  is the flow moves in both directions — away from you and toward you.

Meaning, when you only give and refuse to receive, you quite literally stop the flow of abundance, prosperity, fulfillment, satisfaction — and about a hundred other things you’d love to experience — cold in its tracks. (Reference every present anyone’s ever given you followed up by you saying, “Oh no! You shouldn’t have!” Because why shouldn’t they have? You’re an ah-amazing spark of joy and light in their life, Mama! Of course, they can give as many presents as they feel called to!)

True kindness doesn’t deplete one side and enrich the other. 🌜True kindness is kind to both parties.🌛

 
“Oh, you lost your house? Here, have my house, and I’ll sleep in the street.” is generous but not kind because they shine while you suffer. Whereas, “Oh, you lost your house? Stay at my house; I’ve got plenty of room, but if you want to live here while you figure things out, I do need you to clean up after yourself every day,” is generous and kind to both parties.

So the next time you feel torn between taking care of yourself and helping someone – instead of jumping up to be there for that special someone – close your eyes, place your hand on your heart, take a breath, and kindly ask yourself, “What feels the most like self-respect?” Then, trust that the answer that comes up is what’s truly kind to the other person and to you.

Often, what feels the most like self-respect isn’t flat-out refusing to be there for others but simply being there for them in a way that works best for both of you.

It’s a win, win!

You emit an energy of love so bright for another ☀️ AND your soul smiles. 😇

Everything you need is already within you, Mama. And Soulfull Medicine is here to show you where to look. 💖 

xo,